Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
