4 words: hood of his car
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
