I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
