In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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