garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so let's talk penis.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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