3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I came so hard my ears popped.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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