i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
