No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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