Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
