Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
