I can tuck mytits in my pants
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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