I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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