I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this boner is exhausting
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
