i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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