Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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