the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
