Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
