is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
they're like a gay fantastic four
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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