im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
