i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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