my being single is dangerous.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
