Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
