What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
