Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
