So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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