new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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