yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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