Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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