Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
