Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
