Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
