So drunk its hurt
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
