low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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