She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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