I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
