I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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