should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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