So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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