Kiss
Puke
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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