nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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