Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
