Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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