i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
