just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
