help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
