My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
