I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
