so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
