Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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