Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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