I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
