This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
