can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
